Rihanna's stylist recently put her back into the hairstyle she wore the day she got bashed by her ex-boyfriend. Guess she's over it. I would be too, if I were her, because I would need to forgive someone that is so psychologically unhinged that he would hit a woman he was dating. I would need to get over it, and move on with my life, so that I wouldn't be tainted by the memory for the rest of my life.
At first, I would wonder what it meant to forgive.
The world is watching: Do I go back to him? After all, I didn't stop loving him just because my jaw cracked itself on his fist. Do I press charges? It was a felony. But, no, I wouldn't want to seem vindictive. Why should I assist the law in punishing an offender? Do I make friends? At least for the world to see.
Hard decisions all round, but the most important thing would be to move on.
Forgiveness is one of the most important tennets of religion, of life, of living. Letting go is important because holding on gives someone else control of your life. So, you forgive the ex that cheated on you. You forgive the parent that didn't support you. You forgive the friend that hurt you. You forgive the lover that split your lip. You forgive, you forget, you move on.
But it still happened.
In the future you'll say things like, "Oh, he made a mistake, and so did I. We were both young. He's really a great guy, really." But you'll never quite shake the feeling of having been there, helpless, pressed against the car door while his fist rammed itself repeatedly into your body.
Why is domestic violence such a combustible (yes, combustible) topic? Drug addicts go to rehab, and the society seems to pity more than loathe the sufferers. Alcoholism is terrible, but we forgive them easily when they choose to change. But there is something about hurting other people that smacks of bullying in the worst way.
When an addict is violent, the reason is clear - he/she was in an altered state of mind. But when a person is violent, just for the sake of it, not in self defence, or matched up against someone of similar strength, then the pervasion is more deeply rooted than going cold turkey can cure. Going cold turkey from what, even? Such a person can change, of course, but they are dangerous.
But this is not quite the point with the Chris Brown situation.
No one doubts that he may be contrite. No one disputes the fact that he served hours of community service. And cried on TV. And of course, Rihanna has clearly forgiven him, so there's the go ahead for the rest of the world to do the same, yes?
No.
People in the public eye are in a position of influence, whether they like it or not, and whether they asked for it or not. If you are famous, you have influence, and therefore you are held to a higher standard and are expected to carry yourself better than everyone else. No, it is not hypocritical. People on pedestals have a longer way to fall; it only makes sense not to turn cartwheels while on your stoop.
That is what this is about. That is what the anger is about.
Let nobody pretend that it has not become one big punchline. We see it everyday, the "sex so good she'll beg me to beat her up" and "I'll let Chris Brown beat me up anytime" messages on the internet. And the jokes about how [insert adjective] Rihanna must have been to 'deserve' to be hit.
Let nobody pretend that they are jokes.
A few days ago, model, hilarious tweeter and fiance of John Legend, Chrissy Teigen, posted a few tongue-in-cheek remarks about Chris Brown, who she has never pretended to support. His fans, the so-called #TeamBreezy, responded with death threats. A day or two after, the king asked his subjects to please stand down.
But EVERYDAY, there are girls tweeting about how they'd love for him to feed them black eyes, but he has not gone on record to address one of these fans to say, "No, that's not right. I was wrong when I did that. Don't ever let a man do that to you."
Instead, he is constantly defensive, calling critics haters, talking about how he served his time, moaning about how the world should move on.
Chris Brown should flipping start a center for rehabilitation of battered women, and another one for abusers. He should spend his free time tweeting anti-violence messages to the world. He should release a record dedicated to all the hurting women in the world. He should think back on what happened everyday, and say he's sorry.
I won't talk about the paltry punishment he got for his crime because, while I would've loved nothing more than for Rihanna to have pressed full charges and kept him locked up in a federal prison for a few years, I know that that is not the solution. Yes, young men would have seen that they can't get away with it. As it is now, he is the role model for many men - and women - who think it's okay, and that it is okay to be violent if you're a celebrity, because then you can get away with it.
Again: pedestal. People are watching him, looking to him to set an example, whether he likes it or not. That comes with great responsibility.
It might seem like the 'haters' are calling for CB's head on a platter. We are.
It's not about jail time. It was, but that was years ago, and only because jail time was the rightful legal punishment at the time.
We are calling on him to turn his mistake into something positive. Don't just say you're sorry for the sake of it, show it by being an agent of change. Make a public stand against domestic violence. Everyday. Use your experience to encourage others not to do the same thing. Use your talent, for God's sake; there's loads of it in there. Don't sit there, twiddling your thumbs and yelling at everyone for being dissatisfied with you.
Do more. Be more. Then, we'll get over it.
At first, I would wonder what it meant to forgive.
The world is watching: Do I go back to him? After all, I didn't stop loving him just because my jaw cracked itself on his fist. Do I press charges? It was a felony. But, no, I wouldn't want to seem vindictive. Why should I assist the law in punishing an offender? Do I make friends? At least for the world to see.
Hard decisions all round, but the most important thing would be to move on.
Forgiveness is one of the most important tennets of religion, of life, of living. Letting go is important because holding on gives someone else control of your life. So, you forgive the ex that cheated on you. You forgive the parent that didn't support you. You forgive the friend that hurt you. You forgive the lover that split your lip. You forgive, you forget, you move on.
But it still happened.
In the future you'll say things like, "Oh, he made a mistake, and so did I. We were both young. He's really a great guy, really." But you'll never quite shake the feeling of having been there, helpless, pressed against the car door while his fist rammed itself repeatedly into your body.
Why is domestic violence such a combustible (yes, combustible) topic? Drug addicts go to rehab, and the society seems to pity more than loathe the sufferers. Alcoholism is terrible, but we forgive them easily when they choose to change. But there is something about hurting other people that smacks of bullying in the worst way.
When an addict is violent, the reason is clear - he/she was in an altered state of mind. But when a person is violent, just for the sake of it, not in self defence, or matched up against someone of similar strength, then the pervasion is more deeply rooted than going cold turkey can cure. Going cold turkey from what, even? Such a person can change, of course, but they are dangerous.
But this is not quite the point with the Chris Brown situation.
No one doubts that he may be contrite. No one disputes the fact that he served hours of community service. And cried on TV. And of course, Rihanna has clearly forgiven him, so there's the go ahead for the rest of the world to do the same, yes?
No.
People in the public eye are in a position of influence, whether they like it or not, and whether they asked for it or not. If you are famous, you have influence, and therefore you are held to a higher standard and are expected to carry yourself better than everyone else. No, it is not hypocritical. People on pedestals have a longer way to fall; it only makes sense not to turn cartwheels while on your stoop.
That is what this is about. That is what the anger is about.
Let nobody pretend that it has not become one big punchline. We see it everyday, the "sex so good she'll beg me to beat her up" and "I'll let Chris Brown beat me up anytime" messages on the internet. And the jokes about how [insert adjective] Rihanna must have been to 'deserve' to be hit.
Let nobody pretend that they are jokes.
A few days ago, model, hilarious tweeter and fiance of John Legend, Chrissy Teigen, posted a few tongue-in-cheek remarks about Chris Brown, who she has never pretended to support. His fans, the so-called #TeamBreezy, responded with death threats. A day or two after, the king asked his subjects to please stand down.
But EVERYDAY, there are girls tweeting about how they'd love for him to feed them black eyes, but he has not gone on record to address one of these fans to say, "No, that's not right. I was wrong when I did that. Don't ever let a man do that to you."
Instead, he is constantly defensive, calling critics haters, talking about how he served his time, moaning about how the world should move on.
Chris Brown should flipping start a center for rehabilitation of battered women, and another one for abusers. He should spend his free time tweeting anti-violence messages to the world. He should release a record dedicated to all the hurting women in the world. He should think back on what happened everyday, and say he's sorry.
I won't talk about the paltry punishment he got for his crime because, while I would've loved nothing more than for Rihanna to have pressed full charges and kept him locked up in a federal prison for a few years, I know that that is not the solution. Yes, young men would have seen that they can't get away with it. As it is now, he is the role model for many men - and women - who think it's okay, and that it is okay to be violent if you're a celebrity, because then you can get away with it.
Again: pedestal. People are watching him, looking to him to set an example, whether he likes it or not. That comes with great responsibility.
It might seem like the 'haters' are calling for CB's head on a platter. We are.
It's not about jail time. It was, but that was years ago, and only because jail time was the rightful legal punishment at the time.
We are calling on him to turn his mistake into something positive. Don't just say you're sorry for the sake of it, show it by being an agent of change. Make a public stand against domestic violence. Everyday. Use your experience to encourage others not to do the same thing. Use your talent, for God's sake; there's loads of it in there. Don't sit there, twiddling your thumbs and yelling at everyone for being dissatisfied with you.
Do more. Be more. Then, we'll get over it.
