Here's something.

In lieu of over a year's worth of updates, here's an excerpt from my last, 'pick-up' themed, TNC feature:

Two Guys and a Girl

He said.
The music is playing. Everybody is dancing. They are even sweating. The best man has offed his jacket. His shirt is quarter-to-off but his tie is by Somebody Smith so he has kept it there on his neck. Maybe he borrowed it and it mustn’t fall. Or maybe he bought it with his last cad and it mustn’t fall. Do people still say last cad? Anyway sha, this girl, she’s on her phone. I mean, Henny is flowing, champagne is popping. Or sha, that other rosé. Awon omoge dey shake their body!” But not this sisi. On her phone, tap tap tap tap tap. Like she has a husband. What is she doing? Playing Candy Crush.

Lizzen, women. Why do you do this? You come to a wedding squeezed into that figure eight of a dress. You struggle against every forkful of rice – imported mama, only continental for you, washere. You paint your nails with Swarovski crystals for gossake, the light flashing off the empty space on your ring finger. You struggle in your staircase heels, just waiting to trip over the cameraman’s wire and fall into my arms. And for what? To come and sit down and be playing Candy Crush. Lizzen sister, you’re here for one reason and one reason only, I can tell from the height of your frontals inside your blouse. Almost up to your chin like napkin. Can’t you see me nodding at you with my shades on? Put down that phone and komole to this Davido, my friend.

More here!
Click, read, critique, and pretend to have missed me very much.