(Because, PG.)
My birthday is in a few days and I've never been more ... emotional. I'm so afraid of what the rest of my life looks like, because right now it doesn't look like what I'd thought, or hoped, or, quite frankly, imagined.
I'm freaking out.
But, you see. I turned on some worship music (because, by force snap-out-of-it) and here's what clicked to me:
We go around with ideas in our heads, and most of the time there are constructive ideas in there. Valid dreams, hopes, plans, schedules, timelines, and, ultimately, greatness.
And. When these things don't happen quite how we imagined, we assume we haven't done enough of something to deserve it, and so we try harder. And then we fail, and then we blame ourselves for not being ___ enough. Disciplined, hardworking, connected, motivated, ambitious, feminist, strong, courageous, enterprising, smart... There's always something wrong with us.
For the Christian ones among us, we also think we're not Spiritual enough. We haven't prayed enough. We haven't fasted enough. We haven't woken up enough in the middle of the night enough. We haven't served at church enough. We haven't gone to fellowship enough. We haven't read our Bibles enough.
And. It just hit me: All the while, we're breaking God's heart. He's our ultimate lover. He's the one who gives us everything, He wants us to be more successful than we can ever want for ourselves. He wants us to be more "individual" than we want for ourselves. He wants us to be more everything than we could ever want.
It's not even that we ask too little, and He's scoffing at our petty requests. It's not even that He's begging us to receive from Him so much and now we have to try to figure out what it is we're doing wrong if there's so much and we're not getting it.
It's simply this: we already have everything.
We already have everything we need.
We already have everything we could ever need to be where we are, and everything we need to get where we're going.
The contacts.
The ideas.
The friends.
The church.
The prayers.
The hope.
The finances, even.
We have enough to take the next step.
But, here's the real thing: the next step is in the future. We don't know what it looks like and we can't predict how it'll go down. We have enough for right now.
Right.
Now.
Is.
Enough.
Thing is, we run to God because of a picture we have of the future.
So we think we need to be His friend so that He'll give us stuff. Since He's the Ultimate Santa, if we're good He'll be happy to reward us. And sure, that happens, but everything He gives us is everything He was going to give us, anyway.
Our prayers get us closer to Him, yes, but they don't assure us of receiving the things we ask for.
(Uh oh.)
They assure us of getting close enough to hear what He is already going to give us. What He already has planned for us.
BUT EVEN WITHOUT ALL THIS, HE IS ENOUGH.
And we are enough because He is enough.
If there was no tomorrow, or if tomorrow looked exactly like today, or whatever. He is with us and so therefore we are enough.
Everything we ask for, everything we think we need, everything is in Him, not apart from Him.
When we get things that are outside of Him, they don't really fulfil us.
I'm in danger of entering into rambling territory so, in summary, here's the thing: Godliness with contentment is great gain. There are things we want, but He is everything we need.
And, guess what.
We already have Him.
So, I'm about to be thirty and I'm trying to figure out all the ways my life can be slayed and on-fleek because I 'on need no man and yay feminism, yeah, but God is like, "Baby girl, I gatchu. You're exactly where I need you to be. And I'm with you, so you have everything you need."
I don't promise to be permanently chirpy henceforth, acting like I'm hashtag-kinging, shouting out to the haturs and instagramming the lemonade emoji like I don't curr. But I do promise to take a good look around and start to realise that, truly, ehn, my life is hashtag-blessed.
And thirty is the beginning of being grateful for everyday, without dreaming about the tomorrow my 16 year-old wanted for me. (Because real life is what is real.)
My birthday is in a few days and I've never been more ... emotional. I'm so afraid of what the rest of my life looks like, because right now it doesn't look like what I'd thought, or hoped, or, quite frankly, imagined.
I'm freaking out.
But, you see. I turned on some worship music (because, by force snap-out-of-it) and here's what clicked to me:
We go around with ideas in our heads, and most of the time there are constructive ideas in there. Valid dreams, hopes, plans, schedules, timelines, and, ultimately, greatness.
And. When these things don't happen quite how we imagined, we assume we haven't done enough of something to deserve it, and so we try harder. And then we fail, and then we blame ourselves for not being ___ enough. Disciplined, hardworking, connected, motivated, ambitious, feminist, strong, courageous, enterprising, smart... There's always something wrong with us.
For the Christian ones among us, we also think we're not Spiritual enough. We haven't prayed enough. We haven't fasted enough. We haven't woken up enough in the middle of the night enough. We haven't served at church enough. We haven't gone to fellowship enough. We haven't read our Bibles enough.
And. It just hit me: All the while, we're breaking God's heart. He's our ultimate lover. He's the one who gives us everything, He wants us to be more successful than we can ever want for ourselves. He wants us to be more "individual" than we want for ourselves. He wants us to be more everything than we could ever want.
It's not even that we ask too little, and He's scoffing at our petty requests. It's not even that He's begging us to receive from Him so much and now we have to try to figure out what it is we're doing wrong if there's so much and we're not getting it.
It's simply this: we already have everything.
We already have everything we need.
We already have everything we could ever need to be where we are, and everything we need to get where we're going.
The contacts.
The ideas.
The friends.
The church.
The prayers.
The hope.
The finances, even.
We have enough to take the next step.
But, here's the real thing: the next step is in the future. We don't know what it looks like and we can't predict how it'll go down. We have enough for right now.
Right.
Now.
Is.
Enough.
Thing is, we run to God because of a picture we have of the future.
So we think we need to be His friend so that He'll give us stuff. Since He's the Ultimate Santa, if we're good He'll be happy to reward us. And sure, that happens, but everything He gives us is everything He was going to give us, anyway.
Our prayers get us closer to Him, yes, but they don't assure us of receiving the things we ask for.
(Uh oh.)
They assure us of getting close enough to hear what He is already going to give us. What He already has planned for us.
BUT EVEN WITHOUT ALL THIS, HE IS ENOUGH.
And we are enough because He is enough.
If there was no tomorrow, or if tomorrow looked exactly like today, or whatever. He is with us and so therefore we are enough.
Everything we ask for, everything we think we need, everything is in Him, not apart from Him.
When we get things that are outside of Him, they don't really fulfil us.
I'm in danger of entering into rambling territory so, in summary, here's the thing: Godliness with contentment is great gain. There are things we want, but He is everything we need.
And, guess what.
We already have Him.
So, I'm about to be thirty and I'm trying to figure out all the ways my life can be slayed and on-fleek because I 'on need no man and yay feminism, yeah, but God is like, "Baby girl, I gatchu. You're exactly where I need you to be. And I'm with you, so you have everything you need."
I don't promise to be permanently chirpy henceforth, acting like I'm hashtag-kinging, shouting out to the haturs and instagramming the lemonade emoji like I don't curr. But I do promise to take a good look around and start to realise that, truly, ehn, my life is hashtag-blessed.
And thirty is the beginning of being grateful for everyday, without dreaming about the tomorrow my 16 year-old wanted for me. (Because real life is what is real.)
Where was this post when I needed it on my birthday?
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