The seriousness of the matter.

My uncle turned up late, apologising profusely. He sat down, and then asked me what I do.

"Do you still teach?"

Quit that.

"So what do you do, now?"

You know, I can't quite explain how my life is structured so, here, let me talk about filmmaking and impress you with the fact that we made tiff last month. Twice.

"Wow," he said, "I didn't know that." 

And then he looked dead into my eyes, "That means I don't know you."
Well, if we're going to be so dramatic.

"You know, " he continued, "there are a few things people don't know about me, too."

I promise this is not a scary movie.

My uncle and I spent the next thirty minutes bonding over work, and thirty minutes after that bonding over his hook-up expertise and so of course I was now calm and at rest because I realised I was in safe hands?

No. Not at all.

I was panicking. Because the more I spoke, the more determined he seemed to go ahead with the introduction he had already planned. But I didn't realise this until he hit me with, "The guy is travelling tonight so he's coming here on his way to the airport."

Oh, father of mine, why are you such a clairvoyant. OR had he been in on it from the beginning, hmmm? The plot thickens.

***

A flustered young man burst into the restaurant two and a half hours after I got there. He had all of five minutes to, I don't know, make an impression? Figure out if he liked what he saw? Make polite chit-chat while he sat next to me who was seated next to my uncle who was trying to facilitate a conversation between two people he was introducing - one of whom was totally AMBUSHED, by the way?

Here's how it went:

1. I'd already met the guy, six years or so ago. *insert ominous music*

2. (See 1. above.)

3. My uncle was sitting. right. there.

4. So it wasn't awkward at all.

Poor guy was panting and sweating because he'd been rushing from somewhere fancy to meet me, who he'd heard about for ages prior, on his way to catch a flight, for which he was running late.

He recognised me, which actually made it more awkward because, now, instead of a handshake with a stranger, it was the awkward side hug with barely-a-stranger in front of my uncle who was watching to see if sparks would fly.

("Is it even okay to put this much information on the internet?" she asks, a thousand words later.)