The Psychology of Abuse

I feel like I understand the psychology of abuse - from the perspective of the person who receives the abuse, stays there and even apologises for it. I feel like I do - whether I actually do or not, I don’t know.

Watching the Iconola videos yesterday felt scarily familiar. I could understand the rationalisation. I could understand the internal monologues going on. When she said, “this is someone I know, not a stranger...” I could get that. Like, I know you, las las you’re just acting crazy but is it not still you that I’ve known since?
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Like if you tell me to be afraid of one of my brothers because he’s acting crazy. Or that I should disown him for it. Why? Abeg he’s family; we’ll deal with it.

It’s the same way you can have a financially corrupt uncle but he’s nice to you and you’re close to his kids so when you talk about “those thieves in Nigeria” you mean everyone but him.
Or you have a close friend who’s creeping and you guys just laugh and tease him/her but when you talk about “those rubbish guys/girls who always cheat” you mean everyone but them.

Do you see? How easy it is to justify a great evil because when it’s so close to you you lose objectivity.
Physical abuse is just more visible but psychological abuse is just as deep.

And most of us have been in abusive relationships: emotionally controlling friends (!) manipulative parents (!!), insecure toasters -male and female- , abusive bosses (!!!). And the truth is that we take it. We honour that manipulative parent because it’s respect. We respect that abusive boss because we need the paycheque. We manage that controlling friend because we don’t want their wahala (and because our own dysfunction feeds off theirs.)
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Physical abuse is simply the only one we can see. The only one we “understand” how to deal with. But for the person going through it it feels just like the others... easy to rationalise...
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*Now going to find out God’s response to this and will be back with a Part 2.* ✌