In January of 2016 I "had a Word" about June. Sigh.
How did I even get here? How did I become one of those people who mixed up their own fantasies and desires with "hearing a Word from God"? Had I now become so over-spiritual because I was desperate and about to turn the dreaded age beyond which there's no turning back?
That has been my fear for the entire year. And here we are, in June. And I still believe. If my dad only knew. (He would be so disappointed.)
Here's how my year has gone:
January: I met the guy I wanted on the semi-last day of the year, so when I "got my Word" I was like, yup, that's him. I already met him, so it all works out. Then it fell apart. Then I met another guy. I didn't really like him but I figured, if he was the one I wouldn't reject "the gift". Then I met another guy who was ready to be the one by June if I so desired. Then it was February and then it was March and then it was April, so I called Mr December back, because, what if. And in May I realised I was hurting myself, and on the first of June I finally calmed down and decided that I really didn't know what my June "Word" had meant.
Oh, June.
Here's what I've learnt:
1. I am not superhuman.
2. Logic and rationale have absolutely zero power when pit against hopes and desires.
3. God will never "make" you like someone you don't like to punish you for having overly high standards. His standards are higher than yours can ever be.
4. It's June and I am not married.
5. It is a lonely journey trying to hold on to an impossible Word, and I finally understand Moses, Noah and Abraham.
6. "What if I heard wrong" will only be applicable starting July.
7. I'm clearly braver than I realise because I'm putting this information on the World Wide Webs. And the blog has my name attached to it (!)
8. I am 98% certain I've still not met "him".
9. It's easier to be comfortably single than to be hopefully single. Hope hurts.
10. It's easier to be single and luvvin' it than to openly acknowledge a desire to be married, in 2016.
How did I even get here? How did I become one of those people who mixed up their own fantasies and desires with "hearing a Word from God"? Had I now become so over-spiritual because I was desperate and about to turn the dreaded age beyond which there's no turning back?
That has been my fear for the entire year. And here we are, in June. And I still believe. If my dad only knew. (He would be so disappointed.)
Here's how my year has gone:
January: I met the guy I wanted on the semi-last day of the year, so when I "got my Word" I was like, yup, that's him. I already met him, so it all works out. Then it fell apart. Then I met another guy. I didn't really like him but I figured, if he was the one I wouldn't reject "the gift". Then I met another guy who was ready to be the one by June if I so desired. Then it was February and then it was March and then it was April, so I called Mr December back, because, what if. And in May I realised I was hurting myself, and on the first of June I finally calmed down and decided that I really didn't know what my June "Word" had meant.
Oh, June.
Here's what I've learnt:
1. I am not superhuman.
2. Logic and rationale have absolutely zero power when pit against hopes and desires.
3. God will never "make" you like someone you don't like to punish you for having overly high standards. His standards are higher than yours can ever be.
4. It's June and I am not married.
5. It is a lonely journey trying to hold on to an impossible Word, and I finally understand Moses, Noah and Abraham.
6. "What if I heard wrong" will only be applicable starting July.
7. I'm clearly braver than I realise because I'm putting this information on the World Wide Webs. And the blog has my name attached to it (!)
8. I am 98% certain I've still not met "him".
9. It's easier to be comfortably single than to be hopefully single. Hope hurts.
10. It's easier to be single and luvvin' it than to openly acknowledge a desire to be married, in 2016.
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